Episode 001 * Full House Reboot-The Fuller House Story
In the empty, yet comfortingly familiar living room of the full house, we see a door knob turn. Comet comes running to the door barking with excitement. We wait to see the familiar faces of the Tanner gang, but INSTEAD, it is a new family! A pretty hispanic mom and her two kids (one boy and one girl) enter carrying boxes. Comet barks again. It is now clear that the family cannot see him. He died a long time ago. The ghost of Comet turns, and we see that he is missing the other half of his face. We can see patches of the milk white bone through the bloody torn flesh and fur that is dripping off of his golden frame.
26 year old Hispanic mom: I know you guys miss your old friends, but I think you’re really going to love it here!
18 year old actress playing her 15 year old daughter: If by love you mean hate ..then sure, REALLY going to LOVE it here.
(Audience chuckles. At the edge of the screen, a flash of a dark figure moves behind the daughter. It is gone when she turns around to look. She shivers.)
Little brother: Well I think it’s so cool! Dibs on the biggest room!
(He bolts upstairs while his mother smiles appreciatively. He will never be seen again. The mother turns to her 15 year old daughter and takes her hand.)
26 year old Hispanic mom who must have had this child when she was 11: I know things have been hard since your dad left. But this is a new start for us! I just need you to try a little, okay? I promise you’re going to be really happy here.
SCREEN CUTS TO: 15 year old daughter hanging from the rafters of Jesse and Becky’s attic apartment. The camera pans from her dead face, her bloodshot eyes glazed over in horror, down to her limp swinging feet. We hear the giggling of little twin boys from somewhere nearby.
As the screen goes to black, the title FADES IN on screen,“FULLER HOUSE”.
Cue theme music
Title Card: “3 Months Later”
CU on the door knob turning once again. This time it’s DJ TANNER. The audience cheers. She is carrying a box and is followed closely by three adorable, blond-haired boys running in. It is clear they are quite the handful!
DJ: Boys! Just be careful not to break any...
(A crashing sound as a lamp falls to the ground and shatters.)
DJ: ...thing. (She shakes her head).
The audience chuckles. Cu of feet walking down the stairs. It’s UNCLE JESSE! The audience claps. Comet runs past him wagging his tail. His ghostly face appears whole again.
Uncle Jesse: (Seeing the wake of destruction the boys have left) Have mercy!
DJ: (Hugging him) Hi Uncle Jesse! It’s so good to see you. Thanks for acting as caretaker for this place until we could move in! I can’t believe this house came back on the market!
Uncle Jesse: Well, I’ve always been the caretaker, DJ..... Always. I was the caretaker before you were born. And I will be the caretaker long after you die.
(A red ball eerily bounces down the stairs slowly and rolls to a stop at his feet. Uncle Jesse grimaces.)
Uncle Jesse: I told those boys of mine not to horse around in the house! They’re very naughty children. Very naughty, indeed. And naughty children....they must be...disciplined. Do you discipline your children, DJ?
DJ doesn’t get to answer. STEPHANIE TANNER marches in though the front door lugging in several suitcases. She waits for applause from the audience. There is none.
Stephanie: Isn’t anyone going to help me carry our stuff in??
Behind her, KIMMY GIBBLER bursts through the door. She is checking her grotesque blue eyeshadow in a hand mirror. She makes a kissy face. The audience cheers and laughs, applauding.
Kimmy: Like I’m going to risk working up a sweat when I have a hot date tonight?? Think again, squirt.
Stephanie: How rude! (She pauses for the laughter. There is none.)
DJ’s boys run back into the living room from kitchen.
Youngest Boy: Cookamunga dudettes!! (This is his catchphrase. The audience chuckles. He gives a thumbs down sign. There are scratch marks across his face).
DJ: What happened to you guys THIS time?
Oldest Boy: Check it out! There’s someone in the basement.
Stephanie: Another roommate?? Oh Brother! Or should I say oh SISTER! (She pauses for applause. There is none. A single cricket chirps in the silence.)
The Tanner family follows the oldest child through the swinging door towards the basement. They all leave. All but the middle child who comes out of the bathroom to find everyone gone. He looks around, confused. Then he sees that he isn’t completely alone. There is a little blond girl on the floor in front of the television. Her back is to him. He cannot see her face. Static fills the screen that she seems to be watching intently. Behind him, blood has begun seeping through the wall. Letters appear in dripping red. “RUN,” it says. The middle child does not see the message. He is slowly walking toward the little girl. She is humming something.
Little girl: (Singing in a whispery child’s voice) Whatever happened to predictability. The milk man, the paper boy...do you want to play with me?
Middle Boy: Who are you? And what are you doing here?
Little girl: (In a deep man’s voice that sounds like his dead father) Everywhere you look, everywhere you go there...there’s a face......Come give me a hug, son.
Middle boy: Why do you sound like my dad? Daddy?? (The audience-Awwww) Are you here, Daddy?
She turns. Her body is that of a child but her wrinkled face is that of an adult MICHELLE TANNER. A cigarette hangs loosely out of the corner of her mouth. There is something wrong with her eyes. They seem to be all pupil.
Little Girl: (Singing in a whispery child’s voice) You’re lost out there and you’re all alone. It’s okay. (She smiles) Now you’re home.
At the sharp sound of a violin, she lunges at the camera, mouth open wide, her hands more claw-like than human as she reaches for him. The screen goes black.
IN THE BASEMENT:
The rest of the Tanner family makes their way cautiously down the creaking stairs. It is very dark.
Dj: Do you all hear something?
Disembodied Male Voice: Yaba Dabba Doo! Well that’s all folks! Why don’t you come and see me sometime? Ya take the puddin pop....be vewwy vewwy quiet, I’m huntin for wabbits...that’s, that’s all folks.....
Jesse: I don’t hear anything. Not from Aunt Becky at least. She is very quiet since I disciplined her for interrupting me while the Rippers were practicing our new hit. Would you like to hear it?
Everyone: Oh yeah. Let’s hear it Uncle Jesse. Cool!
Jesse: (singing in the tune of God Only Knows by The Beach Boys) All work and no play makes Uncle Jesse a dull boy. Doo dad dooo doo All work and play makes Jesse a dull boy. All work and no play makes Jesse a dull boy....All work and no play makes Jesse a dull boy.
Kimmy: Hey wait guys-think I see something! And I’m not talking about how fine I look in this dress! Which is a REAL sight to see. Did I tell you I have a...
Stephanie: .....hot date? Only about a thousand times. Don’t you have a home to go back to?
Kimmy: This IS my home, kid.
Stephanie: It is??? Well I never! Oh brother!
(There are almost 3 minutes of silence in the dark as she pauses for the sound of laughter. There is none.)
DJ: No really, guys. What is that?
Huddled in the corner of the strange, dilapidated basement recording studio is a man. He is naked, crouching, and surrounded by piles of his own feces.
Man: (in the strangled whisper of a broken child). Well that’s...that’s...that’s all folks.
He turns and his face catches the light. It is UNCLE JOEY. The audience applauds. He is chained to a pipe, his beard and tangled hair intermingling as they reach almost to the ground. He is gnawing on the corpse of a rat.
The girls: Uncle Joey!!
Jesse: Well I guess that’s ONE way to escape your turn at laundry duty.
(The audience laughs and claps)
IN THE LIVING ROOM:
Cu of yellow dish-gloved hands reaching into a soapy bucket. They pull out a sponge and begin scrubbing at (what looks like) a very large blood stain on the carpet in front of the TV. The camera zooms back to reveal DANNY TANNER hard at work cleaning. There are loud whoops and cheers from the audience.
The family bursts through the swinging kitchen door laughing, and Danny stands. His face breaks into a slow smile that sends a chill down the spine. Comet walks in measured steps to his side and then stands rigidly still at attention. The middle child also walks in the same measured steps to Danny’s other side. His face is pale and completely blank as if all the life has been drained from it.
Joey (Now wearing a Hawaiian shirt, cowers): Hi, uh hi Danny. Buddy...Danny. Hi.
Jesse(Grinning and licking his lips): Heya Danny.
Danny turns towards the girls and DJ’s sons. He opens his arms in the motion of hug.
Danny: It’s about time! Welcome home, Girls!
The family moves towards him and they hug. CU on Danny’s face above them. His smile widens. His eyes glow red.
Danny: Welcome home.
********FADE TO CREDITS********